Sunday, January 5, 2014

I don't know how much I weigh.

For the first time in my life, I don't know how much I weigh. I stopped looking at the scale almost a year ago (ironically, Christmas 2012 I finally got this sweet smart scale that would tell me my weight and how much it's changed since my last weigh in, as well as a BMI calculation). I tried this experiment where I wouldn't know how much I weighed and just go by how I feel and how my clothes fit. I'd find out my weight on my few visits to the doctor a year and that was enough for me.

But the problem is...I'm a binge eater. And through this year of body love and not beating myself up for my diet and eating whatever I want, I gained a bit of weight (no clue how much). I only know this because my clothes fit awkwardly.

So now a new experiment: make minor lifestyle changes so I can fit my clothes. Gone are the dreams of a single digit pant size and a flat stomach. I'm beautiful no matter what the tag on my pants says. I do have a lot of really freaking cute clothes that I happen to enjoy wearing and plus size clothing isn't cheap. A decent pair of jeans is $40, minimum (my friends and I like to call this fat girl tax). And truth be told, I don't want to spend $300 on new clothes. I have piles and piles of clothes I love. I have 3 bras I only wore a handful of times before the band started digging. 

This is going to be an exceptionally interesting experiment as I am concurrently attempting to use every item in my kitchen.

All of this is much easier said than done. My only goal is to comfortably fit the clothes I currently own. The hard part is figuring out how to do that while loving what I am now. Typically when I lost weight in the past it was through berating and hating myself. Let's see how this journey goes when the starting line is love.

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