As I mentioned before, I have a history of flirting with eating disorders. I liked to challenge myself to go seriously below on my calories or points or whatever fad diet I was on for the moment. Hunger was a badge of accomplishment to me. I was strong if I could ignore those pains.
But now that I love my body, why would I want to punish it?
I discovered tracking my food is really preventing two things: binging and the bored snacking (eat a bite of the kid's sandwich here, finish his dinner there, grab a handful of chips while I walk by the kitchen). I have made sure to eat when I'm hungry - there's no hangry girl here. However, I have made sure to eat only when I'm hungry. If I feel like snacking, I stop and ask myself..am I just bored? Thirsty? Habit? Feeling emotionally deficient? I'll have a glass of water, or some tea, or some Diet Rockstar. I'll hug my kid. I will stretch my back and my legs. If I'm still hungry, I'll eat something. I didn't confine myself to those 1500-1600 calories MFP suggested. I ate what I wanted to (in 1 or 2 serving sizes) and then added the food items to the app after. For snacks, and I have a general idea of what foods have complex calories and which ones are empty, I decided what I would eat without looking at the labels. I know a cup of yoghurt will fill me up for a while. I didn't know how many calories a food item was before I ate it, because this experiment wasn't an attempt to stick to a calorie plan, but rather feed my body when hungry with wholesome food. I was surprised to find out that by listening to my body, I naturally only ate about 1400-1600 calories.
This bout of weight gain wasn't self destructive, though. It was an exercise in body love, which is the only exercise I do, btw. Now it's time to show my body I love her by providing nutritional food; feeding her when she's hungry, and breaking the habit of bored and binge eating. I want a healthy relationship with food. I've finally got to the point in my life where all my other relationships are healthy, this one should be, too. Except chocolate and peanut butter... you will always be my baby blue; my blue sky, my reasons for taste buds, you sexy little empty calories, you.
Damnit, where's that Reese's?